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Kung Fu shenanigans return this week, kids. Rejoice, or something. I dunno. We’re coming in hot to a stellar PPV weekend to be followed by a string of some pretty wild events. So naturally, we’re keeping the coffee warm and the lights on over here to give you your fix until the organized fisticuffs actually transpire.
And if you have any questions regarding either Kung Fu or why Betamax was the superior format, or even who the best guest character in Tekken is, remember we’re still open at [email protected]. Substack users get priority, so please include your handle. Now, let’s get to this week’s goofy action.
Kung Fu challenge goes horizontal
We’re back to the Kung Fu well, kids. You know the song and dance. Some guy brings his Kung Fu expertise, challenges a guy in another discipline, and things get hairy in a hurry. This time, it’s a showdown in Guangzhou with a lively crowd and a shoddy ring.
And of course, it’s all courtesy of our guy Jerry over at Fight Commentary Breakdowns. He’s always bringing the premium content out of Asia when it comes to the unconventional. And we love him for that.
Now look, I gotta be frank — this is one of my favorite kinds of setups. Look at this ring. Ropes are sagging, canvas looks worn and there seems to be a pronounced dip. this is precisely the kind of ambience I love for smokers and weirdo fights primed for disaster. It’s also the kind of thing you’d expect in a modern Kung Fu movie. It’s shady and seedy, just the right amount of bush league. It just has… character? One look at the thumbnail and I was immediately intrigued.
This video is simple. A kickboxer vs a Kung Fu practitioner. I neither know the rank or experience level of either guy, but we’re gonna play a quick little game. Let’s see if you can guess who is the kickboxer and who is the Kung Fu practitioner.
Look at that form, baby. We’re cooking with some real beef tallow now. The Kung Fu guy in blue shorts follows this up with some forearm clubbing that’s as sloppy as eating coleslaw with your fingers. Red shorts backs him up with a slight push and gives him a taste of what real punches are.
They engage again and the Kung Fuy guy just goes back to what he knows and throws more forearms. That’s literally the extent of his offense. Now, it may seem like I’m unfairly picking on the guy here. After all, I don’t really know what the ruleset is here. Maybe elbows and knees aren’t allowed. They’re wearing shoes, so that leads me to believe kicks may not be legal. But if the other guy is punching, you can punch back. I know that much.
I referred to Red Shorts as a kickboxer earlier, and that’s because Jerry refers to him as such in the video with the added caveat that the guy may have Muay Thai experience.
And forearm strikes don’t seem like they’d do the kind of fight-ending damage you’d want in a one-on-one battle like this. Soooooooooo, what gives? My man literally has one trick, and it’s a terrible one at that.
No, baby. Be serious. Come on. Not like this.
Kung Fu guy finally throws an actual punch, which is blocked effortlessly.
That leads to him eating a left hand that even the ref saw and said “Yeah, you gonna eat that.” That was followed by a right hand that gave him the wake-up call that the left hand should have given him. This isn’t gonna last much longer, kids.
They break again, and Red Shorts throws about 3-4 pawing jabs, loads up and launches a right hand to the body. And the only true shame is that he doesn’t keep going back to that as much as I would.
Then it’s the funniest moment of the fight for me, where he just stops and listens to something someone in the crowd says. There’s no timeout, it’s just a lull there. Like he’s being told the difference between baking powder and baking soda. Fun fact, I just finally learned that recently myself.
Back to the middle of the ring, and the Kung Fu master is channeling the mythical ability of shelling up the way a child would as they pretended they were in a real fight. He promptly gets a sampling of what happens when you just hold down the block button and stand there against a guy that actually has a functional and fully fleshed understanding of what fighting is and can be.
Now it’s more body shots. And why not? They’re free, after all. There’s no Kung Fu retaliation coming, might as well. This is starting to feel like a semi-nude mugging. Wait, what’s that? (Presses earpiece into ear) There’s still something in the tank from the Kung Fu guy? He’s loading up with righteous anger? Let’s cut to that, baby!
Oh. He whiffed. Again. Oh, well.
Another break, and now they’re in the middle of the ring. Red Shorts tosses a bit of bait with some jabs. This is gonna go great.
I guess this is a bad time to ask “¿Como se dice timber en Chinese?”
Off to dreamland with Kirby and them. Kung Fu guy, we hardly knew ye. Literally.
So I guess whatever Kung Fu style this guy is supposed to represent, it’s just hitting guys with your forearms. You know, I’m always curious as to why so many of these Kung Fu dudes insist on doing challenges with boxing gloves on and then throw some of the most unorthodox and god-awful strikes known to man. Why not bare-handed? Or perhaps just hand wraps?
And I ask this exact question because what I’ve noticed a lot of the time is that the Kung Fu practitioners and “masters” often go on to claim that it’s the gloves that hampered their ability to perform better or something along those lines. Not sure if that’s what happened in the aftermath of this bout, but I wouldn’t be surprised. What won’t surprise me is seeing more of these things happen where guys way out of their depth end up looking for spare change on the canvas like this.
Mawashi Geri
It’s back to Karate, this time with a focus on the Mawashi Geri, often referred to as a Roundhouse Kick. We’ve covered it before, and it’s a lovely technique that pays off big when it lands. Personally, I never liked that name. But I do love this video courtesy of Sports ForEver. A compilation of 20 high kick knockouts. All bangers.
Spectacular Sambo sub
Here’s a gem courtesy of SAMBOFIAS, and it’s from the 2023 World Championships in Armenia. Lots of back and forth here, and it ends with a thrilling and hard-fought submission victory.
Teddy Time is back
Teddy Sheedi is such a lovable rascal. Here he is demonstrating his wrestling superpowers and making things look effortless. Blessings on blessings when that man is on and ready. Shout out to the guy running around with that walker, too. No dea what he’s going for.
Pele, an all-time great
Jose Landi-Jons was an absolute terror in the days of 90s Vale Tudo and NHB competitions. This man was an iron horse, competing since 1993 and racking up a record that was more than just impressive. During his time, he racked up wins over Pat Miletich, Matt Hughes, and Alexander Shlemenko twice. An unbelievably talented fighter that had tons of ups and downs but evolved and changed just as things went from No Holds Barred to MMA. Cheers to him.
That’s the end of it for this week, kids. Reminder that there’s a disc drive add-on for PS5s if you have the digital-only edition. That’ll stuff your stocking. And remember – you might think you can fight, but there are many guys like you all over the world.