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Hello and welcome Bloody Elbow readers, Victor Rodriguez and I remain trapped here in 2013 and we’re recapping the 18th season of The Ultimate Fighter while we continue to try and find a way home. We reached out to Capt. Sarah Lance of the Waverider in hopes of being rescued but were told by Gideon that the entire crew is stuck in 1998 after a few mishaps, so they can’t help us. Last week Ronda Rousey’s team scored their first win of the series when Jessica Rakoczy TKOed team Tate fighter and Bloody Elbow contributor Roxanne Modafferi, meaning the episode ended with Ronda Rousey smiling for once.
And because Ronda Rousey now has control of the book, she decided to match up Davey Grant with Louis Fisette.
DS: Things open with Roxy sitting in bed while Jessica shoves Q-tips up her nose. Roxy tells her that while she’s really bummed out about losing, she’s glad that it was to Jessica and not someone else, and then they hug. It’s a nice and tender little moment in a series that relies heavily on showcasing grown adults acting like unsupervised 14 year olds with an unlocked liquor cabinet. Roxanne is the kind of friend you call when you get arrested and need someone to bail you out.
So shame on the TUF production crew for hunting her down when she clearly needed a few minutes alone so she could have a cry. Shame!
VR: And even if she doesn’t have the bail money, Roxy would be the one to pick you up and drive you home to either bake you some cookies or order some Chinese food. Nobody’s kinder than her. I’ll say it every time: this wretched sport did not deserve this woman.
Family is everything
DS: David and Louis are laying on their beds and shooting the breeze. They’re sharing their backstories with each other, where they came from, what they did before getting into MMA, and their families who are the reason they’re on this stupid show in the first place. It turns out they both quit their day jobs so they could chase their dreams, Louis having done it recently just to be on TUF while Davey actually quit his several years prior.
VR: These are the kinds of guys I feel for the most. I always wonder how guys like this even make rent? Are they working side gigs doing bouncer work or something? I mean, you need some kind of job. This sport soaks up a lot of money as a consumer, but fighters incur a lot of costs that add up quick. Being on on the show is a weeks-long commitment and there’s not too many places that’ll say “OK, dude! Go on and do your little reality show, we’ll keep your spot for you as this workload accumulates.”
And yet I get it. These guys have been toiling on the regional scene and shining in the gym, it stands to reason that they’d think they can reach the big show and succeed. And why the hell not? Good on them for chasing said dream, but goddamn. I just wish it weren’t so bleak and that this wasn’t the closest to a guaranteed way for guys to get funneled into the UFC at the time.
I wanna see you be brave
DS: Team Tate member Raquel Pennington is outside by the pool sharing her experience of when she came out to her parents. Her dad was fine with it while her mom took some time to really come around to it and for things to be cool between them again. As a very brief aside, several members of my family are part of the LGBT community and they never had to explain anything or even really announce it. It was just “This is who I am/This is my partner” and the general reaction was “Awesome! Now who’s making the next beer run?”. Because that’s just how we roll in my family.
VR: Funny thing is that I can’t think of an event Raquel fought on that her mother wasn’t present for. She’s literally at almost all of her fights. Glad it went this way, considering so many stories of rejection and isolation we see fairly frequently. I guess I’ll offer an anecdotal aside of my own: By the time one of my uncles came out, there were two reactions. You had the ones that struggled with it and got mad over it and then you had others that were just waiting for him to come right out and say it. Like, buddy… we knew. It’s fine.
DS: Grant shows off pictures of his children and talks about how he’s hoping to marry his girlfriend, if he’s able to make enough money from being on this show that is. I’m happy to report that he did in fact tie the knot and has since added a third child to his brood.
VR: D’aww. That’s nice. Good to see things work out like that.
Ronda Rousey’s “coach” is here to “help”
DS: And now that we’re done with the borderline schmaltzy it’s time for the unmitigated stupidity. Because here comes Ronda Rousey’s pet Idiot, and since Idiot only knows how to do one thing, besides being a parasite, he’s going to say some really stupid ____. Sorry for the abrupt gear change but don’t blame me, I wasn’t on the TUF production crew.
While Grant is getting himself taped up, Idiot tells him he wants David to “break everyone in this house” like a wannabe Ivan Drago. I should point out that they’re in the TUF gym, not the TUF house. A Ouija board could provide better coaching advice than he ever could. Also, take two shots.
VR: I don’t wanna give him too much stick over this one. Everyone learns and is motivated in their own way. Maybe this was the kind of pep talk he felt Grant would both need and respond to? Not that it’s a particularly good one, but I get it. I have to say, I’m curious to find what Edmond’s hook was. He kept snaring people into his orbit, it couldn’t have just been the fact that he had Ronda Rousey in his stable. Something was keeping these cats around as long as they did, and I wonder if maybe he was good at finding things that resonated with fighters.
DS: Oh yeah NOPE! I will not sit here and recap a bunch of adults playing Truth Or Dare. Not gonna happen! Victor, if you have the stomach for this then have at it my friend. I’m going to go do something a bit more productive, like checking how chilled my whiskey stones are. I’m out!
VR: (Stares at screen, dissociates into thoughts of fried chicken with maple syrup…)
DS: Boo, they’re not cold enough yet, where are we? Oh they’re eating dinner… at least I think they are. I’m not sure what Chris Holdsworth is eating here but whatever it is it’s absolutely covered in cheese. But I do know that it can’t possibly be good for you when you are hopefully going to have to make weight twice inside of a 6 week period. Apparently you can have any kind of food you want sent to the TUF house, but it will take a few days for it to arrive, the alcohol however is more or less on demand, which I’m sure will never once be an issue for the rest of this season.
Ronda Rousey’s mom comes to town
“Ronda trained with an idiot. She trained with an idiot who’s a fraud”
DS: And now we’re greeted with the arrival of Dr. Ann Maria De Mars, aka Ronda Rousey’s mother and Idiot’s worst nightmare, besides the IRS that is. I can’t word things quite the same way she did in the quote above, but we’re of very like minds. I raise my drinking glass to you Mrs. Rousey, prost!
VR: I gotta be real, this didn’t feel great to watch. Ronda Rousey gets into how her mother motivated her by being harsh and somewhat distant. But hey, it worked. Maybe not how I would have done it. Then again, I’m not a decorated Judo champion with an Olympian daughter. And then there’s the story the doc tells about coming back to compete with stitches after a knee surgery. Hey, glad it worked out, but man. There’s so many ways all of these things could have gone very wrong.
DS: I don’t know, maybe I’m just overly cautious but going back to training 6 days after having your knee replaced sounds really really foolish and short sighted to me. Same with Ronda Rousey’s mom sending her out to compete while she was injured. That kind of mindset is what leads to high school football players getting multiple concussions and eventually developing CTE, because nothing matters as much as WINNING. It doesn’t toughen you up or build character, it’s short term gain in exchange for long term loss.
And considering the shape Ronda Rousey’s knees are in today, I think I’m right.
Also notice how Idiot is keeping a good bit of distance between himself the Dr. Remember that this is the same Idiot who in the previous few episodes felt he had the testicular fortitude to try stepping up to two different male MMA fighters who were in their physical prime. But he’s ready to brown his pants over a woman in her 60’s with an artificial knee. Why? Probably because he knows she would have no qualms about literally slapping the taste out of his mouth if given the opportunity.
VR: Ayo, my man was ghost the moment Mama Bear rolled up in there. I mean, I wouldn’t want to step to that lady, even if she was in her 60s with knee replacements and such. But I’m also (1) astronomically more likely to be tougher than him, and (2) a gentleman around the parents of others, and most importantly, (3) not a _____. And brother, that helps you get around in this world.
Don’t kick a man in his unibrow
DS: It’s prank time in the TUF gym and a trio of completely anonymous people wearing Groucho Marx glasses sneak their way into Ronda Rousey’s Team Green dressing room to leave a little plastic figure of… The Count? As in The Count from Sesame Street? Mock Idiot because he’s an idiot who says idiot things, not because he has a unibrow. I’ve been making yuk yuks about him for the last 4 weeks and I haven’t resorted to going after his physical features. Put some effort into this and avoid the low hanging fruit, that’s all I’m saying. And leave a beloved children’s icon out of this foolishness, The Count never hurt anyone.
VR: Hear me out: these people are bored. It’s like when you’re starved for days and you get a small bowl of chili. It’s gonna be a delight to eat that chili, because what else have you eaten lately? That’s the best bowl of Chili from here to Timbuktu, my G. You take what small pleasures you can and keep it moving. Same applies here. I bet that was high comedy for them in that moment.
And I thought the ref last week was bad
DS: Oh no, oh no no no no no no no. I didn’t think they would be able to find a worse ref than the one we had last week, but I was wrong. I was so so so wrong, they’ve brought in Kim Winslow for this fight.
If you’re new to the world of MMA, Winslow was the first female to ref a fight in the UFC, but she was also one of the most despised in all of MMA, she had a history of missed fouls along with both early and late stoppages, which includes the Tate/Zingano fight I mentioned back in Week 1. She hasn’t worked a fight since 2016 which really is for the best, if Louis and Davey both leave the cage with full vision and the ability to still have kids it will be a miracle.
VR: We’re coming dreadfully close to the point where I no longer do these sober.
DS: Performing this sort of activity without proper lubrication is dangerous Victor. Louis tries a jumping knee, while his other leg is already hooked up, and all it gets him is laid out flat on his back. That’s up there with Chael Sonnen trying a spinning backfist against Anderson Silva in their rematch as far as boneheaded moves goes.
VR: Really loved the pressure Grant poured on when he realized that Louis wasn’t going to stop him from rushing forward. Some grimy work against the cage, and Louis eating a lot of shots. He throws a knee in the clinch, Grant catches it, and Louis decides to swing for the fences with the other knee in a big jump. Yet even if it had landed, the payoff wouldn’t have been enough.
DS: Between rounds we don’t get Idiot saying many idiot things, but he was being really creepy with the way he’s holding David’s shoulder. Back in the dressing room he pats his head like a dog as well and now I really want to take a shower and a shot.
VR: Nah, that’s just how some people are with contact. Second round starts off not too different from the first but hits the mat quick. Davey gets his hooks into a turtles-up Louis, sinks in the choke. Fight over. Tough break, kid. Is what it is.
Ronda Rousey has a happy
DS: Because she still has booking power, Ronda Rousey announces (without Dana being there for some reason) that the next fight will be Team Green’s Jessamyn Duke taking on Team Blue’s Raquel Pennington.
VR: The height difference between these two is so much more pronounced with the final angle they show of them facing off. Not a terrible episode. The kind Doctor spiced things up, Grant and Fisette had a nice little scrap. It’s fine. Not great, but fine.
DS: Duke has height and reach on her side, but I doubt Ronda Rousey and Idiot have the ability to teach her how to use it effectively. But who knows, I’ve been wrong before. We’ll see you folks next week.