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Hey there, kids. Having a good week? I sure hope so. Because we’ve finally arrived at a point that has been long overdue. But enough is enough. We have arrived at the master, Steven Seagal, the Aikido demigod himself. This week’s WTF feature will be under siege as we discuss a man that is in fact hard to kill.
And no, Nate didn’t authorize this up front. An executive decision was made and I’ll accept the consequences. Even if that puts me on deadly ground. My confidence doesn’t stem from any belief that I’m above the law, just that around these parts I’ve been… hard to kill. Alright, enough of that. Time for Aikido nuttery.
Before we do that, though… your weekly reminder to e-mail us at the mailbag over at Mailbag@BloodyElbow.com. Substack users must include their handle to ensure priority, but I’ll take a question from anyone about anything. Doesn’t have to be fighting, but it helps.
The Concept of Corpulent Combat with Sensei Steven Seagal
We’re all familiar with Steven Seagal. The world would be a better place if we weren’t, but this is the reality we inhabit. A man that lucked his way into acting after having an extended stay in Japan where he studied Aikido and married the daughter of a master, Steven Seagal had a remarkably strong start in the action film market at the start of his career.
Steven Seagal’s career took off, controversies popped up here and there, and they’ve gotten way worse with time. Which leads us to where he is now, doing martial art exhibitions and seminars that are, well… not great. Here we have the master, Steven Seagal, at work doing some self-defense.
Alright, I have to ask you please just look at that majestic thumbnail. THAT’S how you get a nincompoop like me to click on your content, baby! Don’t matter if it’s Aikido, no-touch, or OK YUMRUK, you show me a guy with a gun to his head in a self defense vid and Daddy’s there.
Alright, let’s carve this goose.
Got all that? Parry the 1 and the 2, then hug your bro. Simple enough. Steven Seagal follows it up with a takedown, and that’s fine.
OK, push the jaw and then start the wristlock with the other hand. Not bad. Can we raise the stakes a bit? Best believe we can.
“Say something nice about Gene LeBell!”
Well, alright!
Look, I’m going to point out the problem right here and now. If you’re at a seminar like this, maybe it’s a tad irresponsible to be teaching gun disarms to an audience that is statistically likely to have a majority of trainees that aren’t very experienced.
This is risky for seasoned practitioners, and he’s showing it like this? Is this to showcase the effectiveness of Aikido, or his own ability? The man doesn’t seem to consider for a moment how that might be a problem. But in the meantime, he’s got this guy good.
Now this is the best part: Steven Seagal guides the training partner to put the gun to his back. I had to watch this a few times because i wasn’t sure what was going on. And it’s entirely because of Seagal’s massive gut. My man is rotund, fam. This man is clearly not doing much training of any kind — Aikido or otherwise — in his free time. Here’s the final technique. Peep how thrilled the training partner seems.
“No, YOU say something nice about Gene LeBell!”
Man, come on. There’s kids literally in the front row. Give them the idea that this is practical and they’re gonna catch a 9mm round in the spine like Professor X. This hurts more than it helps. Steven Seagal should take a hint and go be rich and awful in private, not doing goofy demonstrations like this.
Dambe highlights!
I’m really loving the new look that Dambe Warriors took on, and here’s a quick recap of their most recent full event. It’s a great palate cleanser after what we started with this week:
Aikido Antidote
Continuing with positive things, here’s a look at some actually good Aikido demonstrations. The fluidity is lovely, and the grace of the movement combined with the impact of some of the takedowns is just perfect.
Machete Manners
Here’s a dope demonstration and tutorial for Filipino machete fighting. Ever consider fighting with a machete? You might start considering it after this. Remarkably dangerous if you’re not careful, sure. But it looks great.
Sambo in Santo Domingo
I was really surprised to find that SAMBOFIAS was going to the city I called home for a decade, Santo Domingo. SAMBO isn’t quite a big thing in Dominican Republic, but it’s nice to see it have visibility in so many places. Here’s some great clips from the recent Pan-American championships.
Ivan Lopuchanski vs Hanz Molina is your usual fare that ends with some really fun exchanges and a beautiful submission finish:
And here’s a women’s combat match that has a lot of starts and stops.
♫Don’t rely on this…♫
We’ll end the week looking back at one of the dopest music videos of all time, made for the single Get Yourself High by The Chemical Brothers. Featuring Canadian rapper K-Os, the video repurposed and remixed clips from the classic Kung Fu film 2 Champions of Shaolin. A bit of creativity and some CGI, and this became a hell of an end product.
If you’re still craving more wild Kung Fu action, Five Deadly Venoms is still free on YouTube in its entirety. And remember – you might think you can fight, but there are many guys like you all over the world.
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