WTF: Towel-jitsu and Turkish martial arts that will put hair on your chest

Hope you’re having a great week, kids. If you’re not, let’s hope this makes it at least ten percent more bearable. We’re back to silly martial arts stuff this week, and it’s frankly almost a bit too weird and goofy. Yes, even by the usual WTF standards.

And if you’re a fan of both grappling as well as good, old-fashioned ribbing? Well, you’re gonna love this week’s finale.

A buffet of bad martial arts

Bounties on bounties, blessings on blessings. We’re starting in our most common starting spot, with our pal Jerry over at Fight Commentary Breakdowns. This week, we dive back into the vault for another martial arts classic. It’s a brief collection of weird stuff from around the world, and there’s very little redeeming value here.

First up, Sabei. An art that uses a cloth for defense and offense. Tie your opponent up in knots by forming actual knots. Unfortunately, there’s no word on whether or not a Baltimore knot is an acceptable technique or a forbidden element of the style. Opponent throws a kick? Pseh. His bitch ass won’t know what hit him.

Once your opponent shows his belly, it’s curtains! Curtains, I tells ya! But what if he throws a punch? Just slowly slip the punch and tie up.

Pow! Right in the kisser! Then there’s whatever the hell this is supposed to be.

And then… this?

Look, if you’ve been reading these long enough, you know I love all kinds of martial arts. Some things are best appreciated as art and physical expression as a worst case scenario if you can’t find that many practical uses for it in a modern setting. It’s fine. But you do have to ask yourself at what point this becomes non-erotic bondadge for funsies, because this is going to get you hurt.

The slow movements, the compliance of the training partner, it’s a lot going on for it to work. And it still looks bad. But there’s more. Much more. And it’s on a power level you’re not ready for.

OK YUMRUK. What is it? No idea. Don’t speak Turkish, and I do not care. Spare me your e-mails, save yourself the time and effort. This is me we’re talking about here, and that means it’s totally not worth it.

As for the actual martial art, it’s called Sayokan. I know literally nothing of its origins and will not investigate further. Look at that man’s face and hair. Does he look like he’s fucking around? Because that’s the manliest man alive from 1977 to 1992 you’re looking at right there. Here’s here to demonstrate some Sayokan. But really, what is it?

Well, it’s like some sort of Turkish martial arts thing that boils down to “really weird old guy doing bad Karate”. And that, my friends… that is totally my shit.

Check out this wheel kick. Arms akimbo, late impact that takes power from the kick, just awful. But he lands it and looks absolutely furious. True Turkish power, the kind of intensity we love to see.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YA. At least he hit the target, unlike the other Turkish Karate guy that had Kung Fu Fighting playing while he played William Fucking Tell and ended up nailing a reporter in the face. No, he was not worthy. He was not capable of carrying the power of OK YUMRUK.

Oh, Christ. Please tell me there’s more than wheel kicks.
(Places finger to earpiece) Oh, Christ, there’s more than just wheel kicks.

Check this out. Somebody comes running right at you and not exactly looking to hit you. Just running. What is a connoisseur of martial arts to do?

OK YUMRUK.

This sequence was kinda nice. Knee to the breadbasket followed by two kicks. One to the leg to get him off base, the other to the head. And you gotta hand it to him, it looks kinda smooth.

Dambe fighter gets slept hard

Hop on the bus, kids. We’re heading back to Nigeria. It’s time for African Warriors Figthing Championship, with five intense knockdown/knockout finishes. Personally, my favorite was number 2. The celebration was cathartic, too.

Some slick-looking Kempo

Here’s a great Kempo demonstration courtesy of Shorinji Kempo Japan. The moves are slick and the transitions are nice. Great technique on display here.

A Lethwei battle with a blistering pace

International Lethwei Federation Japan has some absolute bangers on their channel, and this one is crazy fun. It ends with a wild finish that you might not see coming.

Belcher brings in the ringer

As promised, we’re ending on a fun note. Former UFC fighter and current Bare Knuckle FC heavyweight champion Alan Belcher pulled off a prank for the ages.

Belcher features his students welcoming a visitor to his gym that was a pure BJJ novice and only had about a year of wrestling and some Kung Fu experience. Very limited martial arts pedigree, but all are welcome. Except that’s not exactly what was happening. Belcher had invited a black belt friend of his to his gym to pretend he was a white belt.

The result is Belcher’s friend accidentally pulling off some submission wizardry and shocking students one by one as he starts tapping people left and right. Enjoy.

That’s all we’ve got in the bag this week, kids. Train hard and OK YUMRUK. And remember – you might think you can fight, but there are many guys like you all over the world.

Victor Rodriguez

Victor Rodriguez has been a writer and podcaster for Bloody Elbow since 2015. He started his way as a lowly commenter and moderator to become the miscreant he is now. He often does weekly bits on fringe martial arts items across the globe, oddball street combat pieces, previews, analysis, and some behind-the-scenes support. He has trained in wrestling, Karate, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and the occasional Muay Thai and Judo lesson here and there. Victor has also been involved with acting and audio editing projects. He lives in Pennsylvania where he plays way too many video games and is an S-rank dad.

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