WTF: Handicap matches go as expected, until they don’t

Sometimes you see something so pitiful you can’t even laugh at it. It’s not entirely unfair or uneven, but clearly not something…

By: Victor Rodriguez | 2 years
WTF: Handicap matches go as expected, until they don’t
Bloody Elbow 2.0 | Anton Tabuena

Sometimes you see something so pitiful you can’t even laugh at it. It’s not entirely unfair or uneven, but clearly not something that should be happening, but you wouldn’t suffer any true karmic penalty for laughing – you just can’t. It’s just that absurd.

And that’s where we start the week. Our mainest man Jerry over at Fight Commentary Breakdowns brings us another delusional Kung Fu guy thinking he can hang in a modern setting with no adjustments. Look, I tried to warn you. It’s not worth taking seriously, it simply… exists. Lots of poses and clumsy action with ineffective offense. Must’ve exerted a lot of energy to make that happen, so good for him, I guess.

But there’s more! Another Kung Fu goes in to challenge the MMA guy, and guess what?

He actually puts it on him.

Massive caveat here: as you may have suspected, he doesn’t use much Kung Fu. It’s a battle of who is a worse boxer and the race to the bottom gets hot and heavy quick. Bad punches followed by more bad punches, but a win is a win. Kung Fu got some shine today, kids. All is right with the world again. Or something.

This might have been my second favorite item of the week. African Warriors Fighting Championship has been delivering on the action front, and this one ends with a shocking knockout. Remember, the ruleset here is different due to the fact that kicks are allowed. Even with that, sometimes only one hand is still enough. Confused? Don’t be. Just watch.

Here’s another one that actually had me kind of tickled, seeing as there was a lot of piefacing. Maybe it was a subtle attempt at a Jon Jones special, not sure. Either way, it’s a lot of feints, some close calls with the punches, but my man brings out the Equalizer to Cro Cop his opponent. PRIDE might be dead, but Dambé is so deliciously alive. We’re all better for it.

Ever heard of Enho? He’s been an absolute Sumo darling. Known for being undersized, the plucky competitor is very much about that life when it comes to taking on bigger opponents. Almost always undersized, he’s got a ton of heart and technique to outwork anyone.

And now, courtesy of Chris Sumo, we get a bit of a look at the little guy that could. He’s unfortunately been plagued by injuries and hit some hard times in the ring. Worst of all, it appears he’s suffering one of the worst things that can happen in combat sports – being figured out. But he’s still got that fighting spirit. Chris covers some of his triumphs and recent challenges here:

You see mere mortals competing against each other all the time, but the truly evolved among us take on greater challenges.

SlapFIGHT is back with a Mortal Kombat-style handicap match in which one man takes on two opponents. So much so that one of them is wearing a hat like Raiden’s, which is not a great look. But fine, let’s look past that for now.

Being the god of thunder and lighting sounds cool, but dressing up as him and getting slapped to sleep? Not so much. So after the first of the sacrificial lambs is hauled out back in a wheelbarrow, it’s the other guy’s turn.

And wouldn’t you know it, it turns into a certified duel. Back and forth smacks galore. It’s the nuttiest, and it’s great.

Finally, he’s a collection of tornado kick knockouts. It’s not something you see often, but it’s so pretty to see. I only wish I could look this cool doing… literally anything.

I could win the Mega Millions billion dollar jackpot and still keep doing this, because we all need to face the fact that we’re degenerates that crave this stuff. I’m only half-joking, but you get the picture. And remember – you might think you can fight, but there are many guys like you all over the world.

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About the author
Victor Rodriguez
Victor Rodriguez

Victor Rodriguez has been a writer and podcaster for Bloody Elbow since 2015. He started his way as a lowly commenter and moderator to become the miscreant he is now. He often does weekly bits on fringe martial arts items across the globe, oddball street combat pieces, previews, analysis, and some behind-the-scenes support. He has trained in wrestling, Karate, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and the occasional Muay Thai and Judo lesson here and there. Victor has also been involved with acting and audio editing projects. He lives in Pennsylvania where he plays way too many video games and is an S-rank dad.

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