Once again Alexei Auld is back to grill Eugene S. Robinson, author of Fight: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Ass-Kicking but Were Afraid You’d Get Your Ass Kicked for Asking and myself with some PR stumpers from the world of combat sports.
And I forgot to plug them on the show but here’s a shout out to Elmer at X-Guard Brand for hooking up my man Jeffro with some killer grappling pants.
Today’s puzzlers include:
- You’re Conor McGregor. After a year of boasting and enjoying the high life, WINTER IS COMING. Chael Sonnen claims your recent reflections on Ronda’s loss provided the framework of “prepping” the world for your inevitable loss to Jose Aldo this weekend. What PR moves can you make before the match to ensure that, regardless of the outcome, you will emerge UNBOWED, UNBENT, AND UNBROKEN?
- You’re Jose Aldo. You’ve lost thousands of dollars in sponsorship money to the UFC’s exclusive Reebok deal. Your heart and manhood have been repeatedly questioned by your employers, despite your historic dominance over a division that was created for you. Instead of waiting for your return, the UFC gifted an interim belt to their golden boy. Rumors have now surfaced that win or lose, you will retire after this weekend’s match. You’ve denied the rumors, but given your opponent’s one hundred million dollar meme (MEEM), the jungle might be calling for you to win. Despite this, if you emerge victorious, do you respond with FIRE AND BLOOD?
- You’re Dana White. Heavyweight boxing champion Tyson Fury blasted MMA as a sport for “people who can’t box”. He issued a challenge to “unify and switch” by fighting the UFC Heavyweight champion in a stand up fight or hybrid rules match. HE IS THE FURY. Do you tell him the UFC DOES NOT SOW and ignore him, dispatch current UFC Heavyweight champion Fabricio Werdum to get the job done, or hold out until a “Great Dana White Hope” emerges to defend the honor of your sport?
- You’re Ronda Rousey. ESPN Magazine did a major feature on you in which you said you started “seeing” Travis Browne in April. In May he was on the MMA Hour telling Ariel Helwani how much he loved his (then) wife. Now the ex-Mrs Travis has taken to twitter blasting you for hugging her after his Arlovski fight, while you were sleeping with her husband.
- You’re Sage Northcutt. Your opponent Cody Pfiester told Bloody Elbow that your repeated drug testing and physique raises questions about steroid usage. How can you convince the world that you are clean and just GROWING STRONG?
- You’re Holly Holm. Your sponsor IntelPharma sells Selective Androgen Receptor Modulators (SARMS), considered steroid alternatives and on WADA’s banned substance list. Your manager stated “Holly didn’t really use them so it’s not a big deal. I’m sure she didn’t use any of them. She might have taken a picture with one.” Now rumors are circulating that you roided before UFC 193. How do you preserve FAMILY, DUTY, AND HONOR while handling these multi-pronged attacks?
All about Alexei Auld: He’s on Twitter: @alexeiauld He’s got a web site: alexeiauld.com. He’s written books: Tonto Canto Pocahontas and Billionaire Secrets of a Wanglorious Bastard.
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