UH EEH UH AH AH, TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG
“We believe that forbidden psychological technology was used. … Not ones that could be seen by the naked eye but psychological technologies that worked on both fighters at a distance.” – Vladimir Voronov, Fedor Emelianenko’s trainer, offering a bizarre explanation for Emelianenko’s performance against Antonio Silva. (Fighters Only)
“It seemed very strange behaviour from Fedor. He stepped into the ring and did everything exactly the opposite of what we practiced before the fight.” – Voronov. Fedor spent most of the fight trying to act out old “Three Stooges” routines.
“I hired a Macumbeiro (Brazilian witch doctor) and we killed a black chicken on the crossroads.” – Alex Davis, Antonio Silva’s manager, admitting to psychological warfare. (MixedMartialArts.com)
“After this, over a few beers, I showed the witch doctor Fedor’s fights, and he was worried that a chicken wouldn’t be enough, so we went out and killed a black goat just to make sure. Very potent stuff. Really messed Fedor’s brain waves up.” – Davis
“We wanted to try that other military stuff Voronov is talking about, but it’s expensive technology and we were broke. The chicken and the goat came out way cheaper. Witch doctor is a friend; he did it for a few beers and an autograph.” – Davis
“Personally, I rather enjoyed that fight, and if Fedor would like a rematch, I would graciously and respectfully grant him one. I don’t think it would be in his or his camp’s best interest, but that’s not for me to decide.” – Silva. It’s for the Macumbeiro to decide. (MMA Junkie)
“However, to say he didn’t lose the fight is going a little too far, and to imply that the third round might have been different? Well, anything can happen in a fight, but I think Fedor would have been seriously hurt, and I think to think he would have made a dramatic comeback is just unrealistic.” – Silva, adding, “I mean, we had a goddamn witch doctor in my corner.”
“First of all, I never gave any interviews after the fight. We were on our way out of the airport, when a boy approached me asking about Fedor’s health. I answered that Fedor feels alright, and will continue to compete in MMA.” – Voronov, denying the reported statements. (MixFight.ru)
“So he said that it seemed like Fedor didn’t feel so good. I answered that maybe it only seems so, and maybe Fedor doesn’t feel so well. Then, by these two phrases this lad, who even didn’t say who he was, came to a conclusion that I was talking about some sort of hypnosis. It’s a total bullshit.” – Voronov, adding, “I wasn’t talking about hypnosis. I was talking about forbidden psychological technology. I do not appreciate this sort of misrepresentation of my talks. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a legacy to ruin.”
REPORTS OF MY RETIREMENT HAVE BEEN GREATLY EXAGGERATED
“I rushed to declare my retirement. I will fight more. Possibly, I will return to the Heavyweight Grand Prix.” – Fedor Emelianenko, who leaned towards retirement in a post-fight interview with Gus Johnson following his loss to Antonio Silva. (ValeTudo.ru)
“If the fighter doesn’t want to fight the promoter doesn’t make him fight.” – Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker. Unless the promoter is M-1 Global, who “strongly encourages” you to fight until they are done with you. (MMA Fighting)
“I need to recover, I can’t see very well yet.” – Emelianenko. Poignant.
I’M NOT QUITE DEAD, SIR
“Definitely, I’m going to keep fighting, and I know it’s impossible to fix all these problems. Honestly, I don’t know why I keep losing.” – Andrei Arlovski, who was brutally knocked out against Sergei Kharitonov. (MMA Torch)
“I think he’s going to come back a better fighter. … I’m a guy that I think I know what to do to fix it.” – Greg Jackson. You can start by telling Andrei to keep his hands up. (Sherdog)
“I don’t think he has a weak chin. I think he’s fighting in a heavyweight division where these guys would knock down a house if they hit it.” – Jackson, adding, “Plus, it seemed like Andrei was under some sort of spell, don’t you think?”
IS THIS NEWS? YEAH, I GUESS THIS IS NEWS.
“To be honest with you, I signed the Bellator contract and just waiting to get permission from MTV.” – Ricco Rodriguez. Are you sure you’re being honest with me? Because I’ll ask Uncle Bjorn about it. “Yeah, sure, mom. I wouldn’t lie to you.” (MMA Weekly)
“Ricco’s a great fighter enjoying a spectacular rebirth to his career, but he is not signed to Bellator.” – Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney. RICCO! (MMA Junkie)
“Ricco is in continuing negotiations with Bellator while hoping they will be able to make the deal. … It is Ricco’s sincere desire to not only compete in Bellator, but hopefully end his career in Bellator.” – Ken Pavia, Rodriguez’s manager. And it’s my sincere desire to not only write for Bleacher Report, but hopefully to end my career at Bleacher Report.
CHECKING IN AT THE DOG HOUSE
“When I heard Thiago (Silva) was out I was like ‘Alright, I’ll fight ‘Rampage’ again,’ but then they put Matt Hamill in there.” – Rashad Evans, adding, “Isn’t he that dude from Star Wars? No? Oh, he’s the dude that can’t hear. Same thing.” (MMA Mania)
“Talking’s fun before the fight, but if you do all this talking and then you go in there and don’t fight, who wants to see that (crap) again?” – Dana White, adding, “Matt Hamill can barely speak, so you know he’s going to go in there and fight.” (USA Today)
“I would have found a way. I woulda gave it a go. I’ve been doing some pretty aggressive treatment on my knee and I was thinkin’ I was gonna be ready.” – Evans, who has reportedly had to resort to shadow fighting after refusing to spar with any of his friends at Jackson’s.
“Rampage-Rashad, the (freaking) snoozefest? I don’t want to see that (freaking) fight again.” – White, adding, “Griffin-Ortiz III, on the other hand…”
PARTING SHOTS
“You can make a night of it. Get some beers, grab a pizza, hang out with your buddies, and watch MMA for five hours instead of two and a half or three.” – Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney, on the ability to adjust Bellator start times in the event that they run head-to-head with a bigger show. I wonder if Bjorn will start talking about guys being “in the mix.” (MMA Junkie)
“At least the guy’s watching, right? He’s watching Strikeforce. As long as he wants to keep watching Strikeforce that’s a good thing.” – Strikeforce CEO Scott Coker, on Dana White’s reaction to Fedor Emelianenko’s second consecutive loss. (MMA Fighting)
“I mean if someone said let’s meet tomorrow at 12 o’clock to fight somewhere, your family honor is on the line, I wouldn’t stop drinking water and stop eating.” – B.J. Penn, on his averseness to weight cutting. (MMA Mania)
“Think about it, how can the normal human being gain 10 kg in 24 hours? There is something fishy here.” – Alexander Michkov, Fedor Emelianenko’s striking coach. You know, Antonio Silva. That 6’4″, 280-pound guy who has been diagnosed with acromegaly. Totally normal human being. (Bloody Elbow)